Journey into the self.

A few weeks ago I decided to read old blog posts, especially those of back when I was still hesitant on my stance on feminism (While I was starting to take the red pill). They are pathetic, or at least defeatist. I understood why most people refuse to take the red pill, and those  who do refuse to take the crimson pill and often prefer the black pill.

Giving in, and giving up. Refusing to face reality for what it is. Playing victim, blaming oneself for what is not one’s fault and blaming others for what IS one’s fault. Constant apologies. Constant self depreciation. It is all useless, but easier to do than saying “I’m out of this game. I won’t let you rule me.” and it is a lot more comfortable than saying “Maybe we should change the way things are.”

Some, the most depressing and defeatist posts in particular make me think I am a much better, saner, stable, and healthier person than before. Back then I felt a sense of defeat I don’t feel anymore. Back then I dealt with my suffering by giving up and letting it control my life.

Yes. I am still afraid of being rejected and failing at love. Yes, I am still struggling in that regard. But now at least I know there has to be something that I can do to change that.

I considered erasing those articles, especially the ones that seem immature, defeatist, or cucked. But I decided not to. Because that proves there is hope and a chance of growth and self improvement. They are a testament of the weak man I was and how I grew better.

Back then I was not crimson, I was an average blue pill struggling with reality. Now I face and admit that all the things I believed back then were a lie. Now I am a man who knows the following. The West is collapsing, society is broken, and I will prevail in the end.

I grew a set so to speak. So, there is hope. If I could grow, anyone could.

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